R Madhavan has frequently spoken about raising his son Vedaant Madhavan with grounded values despite fame and privilege. The ‘Dhurandhar’ actor’s son is a swimmer, who has represented India at several global platforms, won medals and has the ultimate goal of winning at the Olympics for our country. During a recent conversation, the actor reflected on modern parenting habits and the pressures many families face today.Talking about the growing culture of extravagance surrounding children, Madhavan had said in an earlier interview with Radhika Gupta on the YouTube channel 100 Year Life Project by ACKO, “What I’m seeing now is some of my friends’ kids go to international schools, and I think their kids in LKG are paying more fees than I did for my entire engineering, which is actually a fact.” He further added, “They are people who spent a fortune on the first birthday of their child. It is such a big deal. Almost, I think I didn’t spend as much on my marriage as they did on the first birthday of a child. And I’m sure, God bless them for having the money to do that, but I’m just saying, it’s all these events. And, it’s not just for the child. The child probably doesn’t even realise.”
The actor also pointed out how social expectations surrounding birthday parties and return gifts have become stressful for parents. He explained, “I know a lot of parents who are so conscious about the fact that they have to give return gifts, that they sometimes avoid going to birthday parties because they can’t avoid it. You know, they are like, ‘We will have to call them for our birthday.’ And they say, you know, the child is busy or unwell or, you know, we have to travel someplace, because it’s really such a responsibility to keep track of what they gave you as a return gift and what you have to give back.”Speaking about the values he consciously tried to instill in Vedaant, Madhavan added that the importance of gratitude and awareness of privilege. He shared, “I realised there are two things I needed to tell Vedaant. One is this attitude of gratitude, which is very, very important for them to know: that they are privileged because of somebody else’s work, that has helped get you this. And therefore, sometimes just telling him the salary of my cook, saying, ‘Hey, you know what? What a pair of shoes that have been gifted to you cost this much and this man has to work an entire year, living in that kitchen, to earn enough to afford a bit of that.’”The actor further revealed that teaching respect towards everyone, irrespective of profession or social standing, was equally important to him. He said, “The second thing I made sure that Vedaant did was to acknowledge, maybe not as much as my friends, but most certainly acknowledge the liftman, the guard, the drivers, you know, and not call them aayas and stuff like that. Call them didis instead. And I made sure that if the watchman came and said, ‘You are a very polite child, he always says namaste to me,’ I thought my job was well done.”Madhavan also remembered a parenting lesson he learned while living in Canada during his younger years. Recalling his interaction with a family whose children were well-behaved despite growing up in a difficult environment, he shared, “I lived in a town in Canada, which was pretty wild for those times because, you know, teenage pregnancy was rampant over there, and drugs and alcohol were part of that town, I found one family that I stayed with whose children were absolutely normal as can be, very well brought up, not into any of these issues. And so I happened to ask the lady of the household many years later, I said, ‘How did you manage to do this?’”He then revealed the advice that deeply influenced his own parenting style. “And she gave me an advice which I followed to the heart, and it really worked for my son. And she said, ‘Don’t give your child free time.’ She said, ‘You know, indulge him or her in whatever they want to do, as long as they’re doing it with passion. The interests will change, the level of commitment will change, but make sure that they don’t have free time till they’re 15–16 years old. Make it a habit to make sure they go from one activity to the other. And it could be fun. It should be fun. It shouldn’t be a chore, the child is going to hate it.’”Elaborating further, the actor added, “But if he wants to play basketball and tennis and golf, and wants to play kabaddi and spend time with seven kids and learn how to make dough, whatever, just make sure that his or her time is filled. That doesn’t give them time to dwell on things that they shouldn’t at that age.”Madhavan married Sarita Birje in 1999. Their son Vedaant, born in 2005.
